Fighting the peer-pressure!
Peer-pressure plays a profoundly powerful part in one's personal life. Let's take a look at this piece of conversation between Tania (28, mother of two, stay-at-home mom) and Rajesh (32, Tania's husband, Project manager in an MNC).
Tania: Rajesh, do you know, our neighbor Mr. Prasad just bought a new car. I got a chance to take a quick look at that car. That's just beautiful. And, look at us. We do not have a car, yet! I really do not think we can not afford one. I think, we also should buy a nice car. And, if we don't, what people around us will think of us? Please do think about it. Most of our friends and relatives do own cars, you know.
Rajesh: Tania, you know, a car was never on our card. I think, we would be better off not buying a car now. That's what I think.
Tania: Oh! That's disgusting. Just keep your thoughts to yourself. I just want a car!
Rajesh: Tania, I know that's just a want and not really a need. We are really doing fine without a car. The argument continues...
That's just a very small example | illustration. In this scenario, no actual pressure is exerted by a peer-group on someone. However, one feels the pressure to do those things that an apparent peer-group does. Examples of these apparent peer-groups are neighbors, friends, colleagues, relatives and the society at large. Peer-pressure, in this context, triggers a sense of competition and an urge to compete with an apparent peer-group by doing (overdoing) something that the group does or did! One does do that 'something' not because it is really required to be done (a need!). One does do that just because the apparent peer-group does it and doing that results in a generally perceived social status and prestige. Yes, it is indeed about a perceived combination of social status and prestige. This is the psychological anatomy of the case. One is afraid of a perceived rejection by a perceived peer-group if that one does not replicate what the perceived peer-group does. That's a fear of loosing perceived social approval. That is also an attempt to gain perceived social approval.
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| Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs |
No one wants to stay behind the game. No one wants to stay outside of and away from a mainstream trend, whether that trend is really good or bad. The bigger question is "Are you doing what the group does?". The case has it's roots in a very basic human attribute - ego! Wars have been fought for the sake of ego. Ego is an absolutely powerful psychological attribute in human beings. Human ego needs pampering. Human ego makes one do things just to pamper one's ego. In Lean Living terminology, that is known as a life largely driven by ego - an Ego-Friendly Lifestyle. Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a theory in psychology, proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation, deserves a special mention here. Among the five parts of that hierarchy (Physiological needs, Safety needs, Love and belonging, Esteem and Self-actualization), Lean Living finds the Esteem part of special interest. Esteem and ego. Not only do the two terms start with the same English alphabet, but also, they are so closely interrelated.
Human beings have a basic need to be respected and to have self-esteem and self-respect. Esteem presents the normal human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People with low self-esteem need respect from others. Most of us have a need for a stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs, a lower one and a higher one. The lower one is the need for the respect of others, the need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The higher one is the need for self-respect, the need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence and freedom. The latter one ranks higher because it rests more on inner competence won through experience. Lean Living has a greater focus on the higher one. And, that is not without a reason.
It is believed (and there are, of course, ample number of exceptions to this belief) that people who, during their childhood, got adequate opportunity to experience and enjoy affluence and abundance are less susceptible to peer-pressure, in this context. They do not, usually, feel a strong need to establish (redefine) their identity through material acquisitions. They just do not care that much about that perceived peer-pressure. Attention seekers do stuff to attract attention of their perceived peer-group(s). They do stuff just to gain respect and approval of members of their perceived peer-group. And, most of the time, the stuff so done are really not worth doing and have negative repercussions. So, when one knows that things he or she does are just not good for anything, attainment of self-respect, inner strength and self-confidence becomes impossible. A Lean Living Practitioner does things that do good to the planet, environment and mankind. That easily results in attainment of self-respect, inner strength and self-confidence. That makes one happy and makes life more meaningful. There is definitely a drastic distinction between life and a mere existence. Lean Living Practices help the practitioner attain the higher order of esteem while doing substantial good to the environment. That makes a practitioner's life an Eco-Friendly Life!
